ConFRATulations Mr. Jenner, you are the biggest tool at camp

Brody Jenner is hot. SMOKING hot, hot, hot. But his fierce looks are completely and utterly downplayed by his douchey tool bag personality. Each season, and each episode Mr. Jenner proceeds to play more and more with the homo-dust, thus resulting in a poor attempt at being the bro of all bro's. The following reoccurring incidents have given Brody this title:

1. Mansquad: Brody is rolling with atleast 3-4 bros/brahs at a time - and constantly piggy backing with Frankie
2. Toasts: Brody LOVES toasting to all occasions - the toasts are long, drawn out, and always talking about getting drunk and having fun..nothing wrong with this the first shot of the night, on a special occasion, but when its happened 11 times earlier in the previous hour, you want your ears to stop working
3. Immense collection of beaters and beanies: rain, sun, sleet, hail, heat, snow - nothing can stop the Brodster from rocking these two staple items.
4. "Surfer": now, I have never witnessed Brody ACTUALLY catching a wave - it's always him in some sort of board-short/quicksilver apparel laying on the beach with his board. I could pretend to be a surfer too, but does that mean I could actually surf, NO.
5. Vocabulary: his words are always drawn out, and include the likes of: rad, dude, brah, bro, chick..all things that went out with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
6. Constant deep convos: always trying to play Dr. Phil - the crew could be having the time of their lives, and he wants to break it down about his deep friendship or love for the person. You would have to have constant ear plugs or kleenex attached to the hip when around the Brodster.
7. Shots: Brody LOVES shots...hot pink, neon blue, on fire, straight plain - this boy wants to get weird with a quick fix and throwback of hard liquor
8. Frattoos: Brods love tats..anything that is a Chinese or religious symbol, game over.
9. Avril Lavigne: this is the icing on the cake for me...like really Brody? One of her hit songs was "Sk8r Boy", she thinks skulls and striped socks make her a rebel, and you are the guy from Sum41's sloppy seconds. WA-HOOF.

Well Brody, your face is tight..but the rest of you AINT right!

But please know if you do ever meet me, and ask me on a date, I will oblige - and probably make out with you and love on you, and then just love you. But, we'll cross that bridge when we get there babay...

Frank raided Urban Outfitters Childrens Section

Frank, the creepy stalker cant breathe cant sleep cant blink without Allie, was looking rather hipster on Monday's episode. I couldn't help but notice the outfit he was rockin' the eve before his big one-on-one date with Allie. The shrunken wife beater, little boys cardigan, female boyfriend destroyed jeans, and tortoise readers were looking mighty tight on his slight figure. Let's not forget his thumb ring though, he is turning out to be a real trend setter!

To achieve this look - you can piece it together from the following:

• Ribbed Tank: pack of 3 little-boys Hanes Ribbed Tank, $4.90
• Cardigan: LL Bean, boys section, $34.99
• Jeans: J.Crew Female "Boyfriend Jeans" $79.50
• Thumb Ring: Claire's, $5.00

Frank does have a role model in life: Ducky, from Pretty in Pink.

Bye Bye Kasey, HELLO Oil Wrestling

What better way to send off Rated R than to have the remaining bachelors oil wrestle in Turkey? Alli got super stoked as the lucky gentlemen from the group date stripped down to the tightest black jeans known to man, and oiled up their bodies for a good old fashioned boink fest. As if wrestling the Turkish men weren't enough, Allie then proceeded to watch the boys pile drive eachother while covered in oil. The fearless men squirmed on the floor as they grunted in hope to win a solo date with Allie, to prove to her that the homo-erotic scene wasn't anything that would be a regular in their potential relationship.

Craig R, the oversized midget, somehow managed to beat out Roberto even though Craig found it necessary to point out the fact that: "Roberto's a really good oil wrestler". And, you would know because either...

1. Roberto has a secret in the house and oil wrestles on the regular
2. Craig noticed Roberto's strong formations while juiced up in oil
3. Craig has wrestled a many men while covered in a slippery substance

Regardless of the fact, Baby Huey Craig, won the challenge and proceeded to have a very romantic friend zone date with Allie. His hair was more receded than ever, and his Tyrannosaurus Rex body was hoping and wishing for a chance to swap some saliva with the Bachelorette, but unfortunately nothing of the sorts came to be. We had to wave bye to Craig, as he whimpered in the car ride home, but he should be excited - now ranking as the bachelor with the man on man oil wrestling skills, his resume has just bulked up! And, on a nice note, Craig can return home to the Roloff family to see his mom, dad, brother Zach and the rest of the crew!

Can't wait to see what the next group date challenge is..I'm guessing something along the lines of the Bachelors fishing a gummy bear out of the other Bachelors assholes, by mouth!

I am facebook friends with THE Coerte!

It's official. Officially fucking amazing. THE Coerte V.W. Felske has accepted my plea to be friends with him on facebook. And by plea, I mean he confirmed me simply because I have female genitalia, I am sure. After looking at all of his pictures on the book, I have compiled the following as my favorites with some feedback on each shot.

1.) Coerte Dracula. He must love Twilight. I didn't know that red vampire velvet capes were so in style? Love the wispy bird swoop bang, and of course the constant hair sweater he wears and shows off to us all with a very low unbuttoned shirt. Teasing us constantly with a couple leather braided necklaces. And LOVE the belt buckle Coerte - is it from A&F?

2.) Wheres Waldo? After getting past the grizzly bear in the newsboy cap in the front, peer to the back left corner to find our lovable school boy himself. His boat neck striped shirt from the women's section at J.Crew looks smashing on him. I see he is rocking the updated Justin Bieber 'do - a mix of amish boy class with teen sensation sass! Looks like a bitchin party, with solo cups and all.

3.) Diddy's White Party. Either Coerte took one too many tylenol pm's, or he is just being creepy for the whole crowd to see. Resting his head on his suitors shoulder, looking like he's ready to nose dive into her bussum, Coerte is rocking white like a straight pimp. I love the crimp curl in his hair - I bet he used some Bumble and Bumble salt spray to achieve the Captain Ron look. I hope this party was before Labor Day Coerte!

Who would have ever thought that this 43-year old erotic novelist would have had such an impact on my life. Party on Coerte!

Dan-HO, this is a Dan-NO..

My awkward and open hate for Danielle Staub from RHNJ has hit a new ultimate HIGH. She is now, also, following suit of housewife turned singer - and had a go on the piano and vocals last night with lesbian Lori Michaels, singing "Real Close" a "tortured love song". AHHHHH WOOF.

Attention whore and just plain old whore Danielle sat on Lori's lap post performance, wanting society to ask now if she swings both ways and is pulling a Lilo/SaMAN scandal. She was stroking Lori's hair and making really awkward sexy voice and gestures - I wonder how her protector Danny feels about this?

Anyways - watch the performance. Danielle is trying to be so dramatic. Her eyelashes look like spider legs, and her nose is looking ever more bulbus than ever. I don't know what audience the ladies are trying to reach to -this song has as much appeal as a steaming hot bowl of chilli on a 95 degree day poolside in July. Danielle sounds like Barbara Streisand.

Order of favorite housewife songs: 1) LuAnimal, 2) Kimmy Pie, 3) Dan-HO

Season Shocker! Chris N. goes HOME?!?!

The only time I spoke of this bachelor was last week. The only reason I did is because when Allie called him to receive a rose, I stopped dead in my tracks, and wondered who this person was that was on the show.

Five weeks and Chris N went under the radar..without a word. He is the awkward, Amish looking, 29-year old Orlando native that came on the show to try and win Allie, all while being mute. He should have tried out for the mime version of the Bachelorette, his chances of winning would have been much stronger. In his free-time this uncomfortably quiet robot enjoys: soccer, surfing, wake boarding, golf, fishing and video games. All perfect hobbies because they require no talking. When asked what he would bring to a deserted island, this introverted silent type replied with: mixed bag of veggie fruit seeds, water purifier and his wife. WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THIS - this would be acceptable if you were a BIRD, and even at that, a bird would probably bring a radio or something a little less scratch your eyes out boring, dull and wrong.

For those of you that never noticed Chris N., no need to worry, because I also didn't. I paid pretty close attention to Mr. Observant in last nights' episode, and his final moments in the house. Stand out moments include: the awkward lochness monster creeping in the spring in Iceland..pretty much just keeping his nose above water to breathe. The uncomfortable head bobbing that went on when they zoomed on him during the group date - his battery life must have been running low, time to charge him up!

My all time favorite however was the final minutes of the episode, when Chris, after 6 weeks, had his first conversation with Allie....ever. He wowed her with his ability to think on his feet and make her feel comfortable. "I'm really funny" he said, as they sat a good 15 feet apart. When Allie asked his guilty pleasure, "Mexican Food"-Chris said looking petrified that he spoke more than 10 words. Creepy Frank who didn't blink once during the time that Allie was out of the room from him, noted that their body language couldn't be any more awkward. Thank you Frank, Helen Keller could have pointed that out. I then proceeded to vomit and have body shakes after witnessing the most awkward, unbearable hug in the history of mankind - either Allie smells like shit or Chris N. has really bad arthritis that prevents him from stretching his arms out; it was a 5 second messy disaster.

We unfortunately had to wave goodbye to everyones favorite silent man. When he didn't recieve a rose he so deeply stated, 'im at a loss for words right now'. Ironic, I think so...

I'll miss you Chris, and im just happy that you realized that stand up comedy, or being a radio/television personality isn't really your gig. Go enjoy your Mexican Food while wearing your favorite polyester suit with a black shirt and icy blue tie. And, thank you for making me realize who to NEVER call if I need advice of things to bring to a deserted island...EVER.

"In my hindsight..I'll see and find a rose"...Maybe next year Kasey..

Moment of silence for Krazy Kasey. I miss him already. It is pretty obvious that he became my vice during the 6-weeks he graced our televisions. He became so much more than Kermit the frog's cousin to me. From his Seal "Kissed by a Rose" singing performance to his magazine sized tattoo on his wrist - all he wanted to do was guard and protect Allie's heart, all while at the same time, having his heart guarded and protected. After Kasey shmeared his voice box with a thick layer of cream cheese the morning of his date with Allie and Rated-R, he was ready and willing to give Allie her ticket to the tattoo show. If Allie was alarmed to the speechless level after the unveiling of Kasey's musical talent, aka sounding like he was singing 20,000 leagues under the sea, then she had no idea that she was about to be smacked-a-tat in the face. As I got into last week, Kasey's tattoo has double meaning...obviously covering the ever so discussed, guarding and protecting of the heart (we GET it already) and then the 11 "studs" for the 11 "studs" on the show. Too bad Weatherman isn't around anymore, I could see Kasey guarding and protecting his heart - while naked in the hot-tub together.

Regardless, Allie see's the tat and clearly freaks as any normal person would in this scenario. She gives the rose to Justin, as it looks like Kasey's eyeballs are going to explode out of his head. She left him at the volcano (im assuming with heavy staff and artillery to prevent frogman himself from catapulting himself into the lava) and watched as he waved the saddest puppy dog wave in the world.

Because he know longer can blossom into a love butterfly and guard and protect our hearts, I am going to recount on a few favorite moments from Krazy Kasey from the 6-delightful weeks that he, his singing, and his buttercream frosted voicebox graced our lives:

1. The tattoo
2. His love for sorbet colored dress shirts - go to favs: mint green, salmon
3. His constant wind-blown red skin tone, it looks like his face is constantly sore
4. His love metaphors: for example, Allie is a butterfly ready to open for love
5. Guarding and Protecting Allie's heart, his future wife's heart, his future boyfriend's heart, his own heart
6. The singing
7. The impromptu song(s) - in which he made up
8. His creepy behavior in the Museum of Natural History: including, but not limited to, pounding on his chest like a gorilla, running like he has a large 2x4 up his asshole, trying to 'scare' Allie
9. The explanation of the tattoo to both the bachelors (which are obv represented) and Allie
10. His cheesecake, cottage cheese, spongy, Kermit the frog voice

Kasey, I love you. If you are the next bachelor, mark my words, I will go on the show. And guard and protect your heart..no, no I won't, but my reaction to your lines, singing, and voice will be classic.

Coerte V. W. Felske

Who is this man of mystery? The wispy haired weirdo that took our dearest Housewife of the Big Apple, LuAnn on a date to the underground sexual restaurant and ordered aphrodisiac cocktails with. If I were her, I would have done some extensive research on this polyester suit wearing creep fest. I would have checked the dark records: aka, How to Catch a Predator. I swear I could picture Cort coming to a 12-year old little girl, or boys house, with a 12'er of Zima, an R.Kelly CD, and a smile that could make a clown cry.

Well, since LuMAN wasn't eager enough to find out the depths of Mr. Felske, I thought I would do some research. Here is what I came across:

1. He is an author, which we already knew. His popular books include: The Millenium Girl, The Shallow Man, Word, Scandolocity, Famegirl. They are classified to be erotic stories, moral-free readings if you must.
2. He is 43 years old, lives in NYC, and loves the Hamptons.
3. He has a MYSPACE page. (http://www.myspace.com/168094221)
4. He has a FACEBOOK page
5. He is SINGLE....don't tempt me with a good time

I hope that everyone had the chance to watch the creepy, molester'esque date that Lulu and Corty pants went out on. From his attempt to channel John Travolta in 'Staying Alive' with the white wide open shirt and his wispy baby bird feather hair, I would have been bolting out the door in a matter of seconds. The cool, calm Countess, went along with his sexual drink ordering skills, his attempt to make out with her every second, and of course watch him laugh without vomiting. Funny, as the FEMME FATALE (her drink of choice, aka Roofie Colada from Cort) and his DEAL CLOSER (boy Cort, your discreet) goes down the hatch, these two love birds become like horny 6th graders bumping and grinding at a middle school dance. Making out like awkward goons every 30 seconds.

My roommate and reality tv confidant, Katie, pointed out his laugh. For those who haven't paid close attention, please watch. It looks like he has peanut butter stuck to the roof of his mouth and finds it necessary to use his tongue as a tool to release it while laughing with a weird head cock and creepy eyebrow raises.

Needless to say, Cort is OUT. But, as LuAnn pointed out - they are still the chummiest of pals, and he recently played tennis with her in the Hamptons. He is better suited handling balls, in my opinion.

Moral of the Story: Creepy Award 2k10 award goes to Cort. But, nice choice LuAnn: MONEY CANT BUY YOU CLASS!

On a serious note: Systematic Bullying

Systematic: characterized by order and planning;

Bullying: the act of intimidating a weaker person to make them do something, a form of abuse.

Nutcase: crazy: someone deranged and possibly dangerous, Nut case is pejorative slang for a person displaying insane, lunatic or eccentric human behaviour, Kelly Bensimone

Whack Job: A complete loon-ball, a crazy person, a nut-job, Kelly Bensimone

I totally forgot another unforgettable Kasey moment

Wah wah..poor wittle Allie was sick. Cry for more attention from the emotional trolls they call bachelors at ABC. Well in attempt to guard and protect her heart and immune system, Kasey brings Allie some Sour Patch Kids. And, low and behold, baby boy with the thick layer of cheesecake stuck in his voice box, got a little hungry while wrapping his tattoo'd wrist, and presented Allie with a HALF EATEN BAG!! Oh, and sidenote: real solid gift there Kasey, what are you in 8th grade, asking her to go steady via "circle yes or no" note while in your moms mini-van on the way to a PG-13 movie?

Keepin it classy Kasey!

Vinny clearly did NOT win the spelling bee..

Of course I follow every member of the Jersey Shore crew on twitter. I woke up to scroll through the previous tweets, and found this from our dear friend Vinny.

VINNYGUADAGNINO

@sn00ki just grabbed an etamamay? from the bowl of discarded string beans that people already sucked on and almost ate it

Etamamay? Aw, that's the cutest retarded puppy dog attempt at spelling I have ever seen. I am going to pose the same question to Vinny, as I did to Jill Zarin after she was calling Ramona, "Ramon-er". VINNY- I have heard of edamame, but WHAT is ETAMAMAY?

God Bless the Jersey Shore

Kate Gosselin: Bad Extensions & Now a DATING Show

What in the HELL has our society come to? First, we are forced to watch the trolls crawl out from under their bridge on The Bachelorette guard and protect our hearts while crying, and now Kate Gosselin, The Goz Monster, have a dating show? Wasn't it bad enough when our televisions exploded when she performed to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" on Dancing with the Stars?

Well I guess it's time to turn the weird notch up on our tv's, and in our lives. Prepare yourselves bachelors of the 40+ age range, Kate is ready to take on the dating world in full force. I'm not too sure what network will pick this up yet. Obviously, Kate is past the MTV stage, VH1 could be ok...but she's not ghetto or slutty enough to embark on this network, yet..

I'm thinking the greatest contenders to pick up this lousy excuse for a 60-minute time slot, will be: Oxygen, TLC, and ABC. Oxygen rocks the likes of angry women, TLC already has picked up the Goz Monster and Johnny cakes, and clearly ABC has no modesty for casting the goons in our society.

Predictions for the Show: Washed up late 20's (to make Kate feel cougar'ific) to 50 year old bachelors of all shapes and sizes. I am seeing everyone from the self made millionaire, to a struggling one man band that travels to Nashville on a whim. Kate will hands down be more socially awkward and struggling then ever. Her conversations, no doubt, will be filled with over exerted draining emotion, and her extensions will look more spaghetti strand piecey than ever. I'm expecting terrible attempts at lazy Saturday juicy suits, and even worse Dress Barn / J.McClintock get ups for her nights out.

Favorite Expected Parts of the Show: Hometown dates. I can't wait when these ever single men will meet the +8 of Kate Gosselin's life. I can see the children causing terror. I can see the men trying to engage them in a solid, fatherly like figure, and when the cameras go off crying for sweet mercy and getting the fuck out of dodge once they are eliminated. The poor sucker that is stuck with A) Kate as a potential wife, B) Jon as a potential "ex-husband" counter part, and C) 8 tater tots under the age of 10 as his step children; has a long and arduous road ahead of him. BYE BYE Bachelorhood, you just married yourself into KATE +8!

Sidenote: Jon could FO SHO get a show on VH1. I'm not hating, if anything, I'm appreciating. Jon will try and channel the Bret Michaels / Real Chance of Love feel, contracting and giving more STD's than anyone could think was humanely possible.

Ugh, yet another Situation.

So I came clean about thinking the Situation is hot. In a juice head gorilla fist pumping steroid injecting oompa-loompa skin tone fashion. However, I changed my mind. This cocky douche bag has hit the ground running, at full speed, in most likely obnoxious over the top white cross trainers. For those of you who haven't caught the Jersey wind, there is a new situation on board, and this situation rhymes with "rottest rance rub rix" aka "hottest dance club mix".

Clearly, reality tv stars from the ATL to the dirty Jerz think that once they hit their "why am I famous?" famous status, the next logical step, is to produce and sing a hit. All of these hits, however, have a couple things in common:

1. You hate to hate them
2. Thank god for computers and synthesizers drowning out the sheer shit of their vocal abilities
3. You give me something to talk about

So, Mike "The Situation", came out with his new jam, which, is available on ITunes. I listened to the song, a couple times. The popular tone of the song, surprise surprise is, that hot chicks from the club want to sniff his $85 collogne (a step up from the BodMan he was rocking 2 years ago), the girls want to get in his pants, theirs a situation, he drinks patrone, he fist pumps, and he's in a club. YADA..YADA..YADA.

This song BLOWS. And, if im ever in a situation like this with a juice headed Karma situation and not under the influence of a bottle strong of Hypnotic, then pretend theirs an emergency situation and call me to avoid the excessive hair gel, self tanner, and most likely scare of some sort of herpes that would progress.

Moral of THIS Situation: We'z done Mikey!

Crazy Eyes Ramona

Who can forget Ramona's debut cat walk during Brooklyn Fashion Week? Baby girl had crazy eyes going from here to the West Coast. From her robotic walk, to the laser beams that looked like they were going to shoot out of her pupil - one thing is for sure, Ramona needed her IV of Pinot Grigio to relax on the catwalk. Gotta love Ramotional!

Danny: THA Protector

Danny, the newest addition to Danielle's crew, is a 5'2" amish bowl-cutted ex-con that has vowed to protect her (probably while scoring daily beejers) from the "intimidating and murderous" Manzo clan. Chyea. Well, from day one, I have determined that three things in this world got together one night, and after a weird mating, have produced this new staple on the show: Danny. So, therefore Danny wants to thank the following for their sperm donation and cartoon drawings for creating him:

1) John Basedow

2) Master Splinter, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

3) Dudley Moore

Engage, and then Suggest..Only on the RHNJ

I have never had a more solid and unnaturally awkward hate for a human being in my life than Danielle. So, Danielle had fun on her female empowering stint in last night's episode. Rallying her besties for some classic washed up, fossilized "Sex & The City" type fun.

What better way to embrace how you don't look like the snake from the Jungle Book better than to go to the ever so classy establishment, The Squeeze Lounge, and dance and prance for Danny (the Dudley Moore / John Basedow lookalike) and your ladies!

Highlight #1: Kim G, the slightly balding blond woman, playing both the Manzos and Danielle, merely just for camera time. Clad in booty shorts and over the knee boots, she attempted her go on the pole. After having some awkward butt crack shots, she and her arthritis, had a run at doing a 180 degree spin on the pole. She pop locked and dropped nothing but the waist band of her undies (exposing her crack) and probably popped a couple bones mid-twirl.

Highlight #2: "Engage and then Suggest". Danielle was trying harder than most students do during their SAT's. Danny and co. were bonerific as Danielle humped the pole and showed off her skills from her 80's gig as a "burlesque dancer" (aka prostitution whore). This gave me flashbacks to the tango classes she took with the crew last year..she was the only one trying, to an awkward and uncomfortable level.

ENGAGE & SUGGEST: I suggest to most people watching this particular scene in RHNJ, not to eat a solid 60-minutes before tuning it, because they will engage in throwing up.

Who are you?

No, seriously, Who are you? Have you spoken at all on the show?

Somehow this mute, by the name of Chris, has made it through to the 5th episode on the Bachelorette, without saying one word - no dates, no nothing. He's apparently 29 and is from Orlando, Florida. All I know is that he is constantly rocking a very nervous grin, has wispy feather hair, and his suit/tie combos look like they've come out of a plastic bag from the TJ MAXX sale aisle with a bad polyester suit.

To Guard and Protect Our Hearts

Nice TAT Kasey!

He did not only woo us with his voice and lyrically talent, but also with his artistic sense. By tricking all of those 11 bachelors on the show that he was burned, our favorite Frog went and got a tattoo. A nice, modest, and deep rooted tattoo, on his inner wrist. And what of? Nothing else but a shield, a heart, and 11 gems on the shield to represent the other 11 bachelors on the show.

What does this mean?

A) The tattoo has double meaning: it's for Allie, and also for men? ..Does that mean your bi, Kasey?

B) The inner wrist tattoo on a male is really such a masculine turn-on. I couldn't think of a better place for a male to get a tat...clearly going along with Kasey's train of thought, he probably contemplated the other options: lower back, pelvic bone, or outer ankle

C) He want's to "guard and protect her heart" while having his also, guarded and protected.

The count of "Guarding and Protecting", +/- 2, but 15 times. Kasey is having identity crisis. One minute he wants to be Hamlet, then Nick Carter from the BSB, a green muppet by the name of Kermit, Mel Gibson from Braveheart. All in all, however, Kasey got a rose.

Moral of Kasey: he at times sounds like Shakira & he runs like a penguin. Guard and protect, on!

Move over Justin Bieber..

All Aboard the KRAZY Train...It's about time that Kasey finally had a date on this show. I have been watching for four solid weeks for this moment in entertainment history.

Some have pawned him to be the psycho one. When he continues to state that all he wants to do is "guard and protect her heart" every 30-45 seconds, on average, some would say that that is a very valid pawn. As we all know by now, he in my opinion, has made the show. With his perma-bubble in his throat, love for sappy romantic metaphors (ala, "Allie has turned into a butterfly looking for love", or "I need someone to guard and protect my heart, just like I want to do for Allie"), and of course love for pastel button downs - the ever so popular mint green, and tonight a salmonly rose colored. Kasey truly has become the X-FACTOR.

The solo date begins with a helicopter ride. The helicopter ride leads to some champagne in a field. The champagne leads to song #1 of the night. It was an impromptu song, that Kasey knew was right just for that moment as the sun was setting, 'here it comes', he bubbly says, 'here's my moment'

When I was flying in the helicopter

over this amazing city..

I looked to my left and never saw something so pretty

At the end of tonight

I'm not just your average Joe

but I hope in my hindsight

I'll see and find a rose

Kasey, was that a haiku? He left Allie speechless...literally, she had no words. After an awkward laugh off, the two trotted over to the American Museum of Natural History for a continuation of the queerest date in show history.

The museum was dark, and all that they had were flashlights, and Kasey's awkward 'woo hoo''s echoing throughout the halls. Allie was sprinting, not in a 'oh this is so fun' sort of way, but probably more in a 'please get me away from this marionette with the Kermit the frog voice', sort of way. Kasey loved that. He ran, like a happy school boy, through the halls. My personal favorite, was when they were stopped in front of the Gorilla exhibit, and Kasey feels the need to embarrass himself past any level of normal comprehension, and bang on his chest like King Kong. At that point, I would have cut the cameras, and walked out. Leaving him, his bubble voice, his tight pants, and lyrical mastery alone.

Just when I didn't think it could get any better, it did. After his first attempt at Backstreet Boys romantic douchery, he decided at their romantic picnic in the museum to knock her socks off with another impromptu song. Again, this song sounded like his voicebox was covered in a thick and permanent layer of cheesecake.

On the night I first saw you, I was staring through that glass

And I knew at that first moment, that you and I would last

On the beach in California, you made me start to believe

And now we're in New York city, and it's just you and me

And tonight you got a rose, and I don't want to feel it's thorns

And if you choose me Ali, I'll forever be yours.

Ali doesn't give Kasey a rose. At that point, I thought the frog was going to come dancing out of his voice box and flick Kasey's head into an explosion. Fortunately, we had the passion of seeing him talk about "guarding and protecting her / his hearts" for the rest of the 45-minute troll show. It started to become a lot like REDRUM. I was picturing seeing Kasey in the corner of the show, talking to his pinky, mumbling "guard and protect" over and over.

Why did Allie not give Kasey a rose and send froggy home? She was probably afraid of a double murder / suicide. Doing it in front of more people, the elimination aspect, there are more witnesses and less chances of crazy Kasey going crazy on all.

A Word that I have ABSOLUTELY Incorporated in my Vocabulary..

Bubbies. Thank you to our favorite housewives of Jersey - ala the Manzo sisters, and Teresa, the term "bubbies" has been pawned to replace the more politically correct, breasts. I have started using this phrase in daily life. For instance, some popular phrases: "this top looks great on my bubbies", or "my bubbies were sweating like crazy in the subway station", or even like "ah, that dog is the cutest little bubbie I have ever seen".

It's Official

As of 10:00pm eastern time last night, Chris Manzo accepted my friendship on facebook. This means a multitude of exciting and life changing scenarios: one step closer to entering the Manzo family as Mrs. Albie Manzo. I can hear the wedding bells and see the wedding at The Brownstone as we speak...

Jersey, here I come!

Battle of the Hair: Who Rocks the Best Weave

I would like to consider myself a weave aficionado. For those of you that know me, you know why - for everyone else, just mind your own beeswax. Weaves, hair extensions, clip ins are beyond popular. Everyone's girl Tyra Banks has even dedicated a full 60-minute show to the fake hair industry. Thus with the amount of fake locks gracing the heads of our favorite women (and men), its time to battle this out. Weave Competition 2k10..

1. Tiffany, aka "New York": This HBIC has rocked the multiple strands of synthetic hair, from curly tendrils to straight. I have seen some alarming styles looking like snakes popping from her scalp, but I have also seen some phenomenal loose curls.
2. Allie, aka "The Bachelorette": This horny singleton came back with quite the ball drop in the newest season of the show. Her hair extensions look like they were put in with a glue stick. They are separated like spaghetti noodles, overall a sloppy mess. Pain is beauty - in this case, painful on the eyes of the viewers.
3. Sammie, aka "Sweetheart": Sammie, (who can't really pronounce her -r's, so Ronnie becomes "Wonnie") has shown everyone that she loves the clip in extensions. I give it to her, I think they look bad ass. If I were Sammie I would upgrade to a full 24/7 look with the long extensions - they take away from her terrible personality.
4. Jennie, aka "JWow": Wow is right. Call me crazy but neon rulers glued into the hair is not a flattering look. JWizzle really shocked the hell out of America when she rolled in to the Seaside Heights house with an utter abominable shit storm on her head. If I were her, I would have taken the money from the extension crisis, and bought more midriff baring tops and bedazzled acid wash boot cut jeans.
5. Heather, aka "Rock of Love Chick": Now, I don't understand what it is about 30 inches+ of pink, black, and platinum hair that would leave one thinking that it would ever look good. It is wrong on all levels. Heather looks like she had My Little Pony put the fake locks in.
6. Brett Michaels: I think his look nice, however - I have yet to see him sans cowboy hat or bandanna, so it could be a mess underneath the heat he's packing on his head.
7. Real, "Real Chance of Love": dreadlocks...more like shitlocks. The long weave that Real rocks has been braided, (french and cornrowed) and curled. I was waiting for the day that he would rock an updo - he obviously is high maintenance with his hair, I would never want my boo to share my curling iron. It would look good on a female, I might call him and see who glues that bad-boy in...
8. Kate Gosselin: Disasterous, Armageddon 2k10. I don't know whats worse the choppy hurricane strands that were just thrown up in her hair, or her dancing performance to "Paparazzi" by Gaga-loo on DWTS.

Moral of the Story: Do I respect fake hair? YES. Do I respect many of the weaves rocked by our favorite reality tv stars? NO.

Real World NEW ORLEANS.

I am surprised that MTV decided to bring the Real World BACK to New Orleans based on this little clip-bit itself...

ASIDE from the skeet-a-boo-dee's, HOLY MACARONI. I know, I'm 24, I shouldn't be on cloud 9 about a tv show. Real World is the most entertaining dysfunction fair on tv. I am going to blog until I get carpel tunnel. June 30 bitches..

I am looking forward to the following:

• Hot tub orgies, check.
• Gay love, check.
• Late night eating, check.
• Boozing themselves retarded, check.
• In house hookups, check.
• Fights, check.
• Police, check.
• Nakedness, check.
• Failing on their "job", check.
• A deep dark secret from one or two of the cast members, check.

GIDDY UP!!!!

Stick to sleeping with married men Kim..

Who remembers ATL's finest, classiest housewife Kim Zolciak? The wigs, the massive balloon implants, the cigs, the wine, the affair, the wig pulling with Sheree, the infamous brawl with Lisa and NeNe, and...the singing. Her hit, "Don't be Tardy for the Party" was the next step pre-"Tightrope". For those who have not experienced the natural and amazing talent of Ms. Zolciak, please take a gander. I love her white ensemble - my personal favorite, the white top hat. Did you borrow that hat from the albino Mr. Peanut? She could be the ring leader in the dark weird circus. Let your ears have the most orgasmic experience of their life. This is where its at...

Please take note of the facial expressions and commentary from Dallas Austin, I hope he was getting paid overtime. And, also the she-male working the synthesizing computer has to remove the headphones in fear of permanent hearing loss, probably a better option at the time than to have to listen to this, thus resulting in bleeding from the ears.

Moral of the Story: this could be used as a war tactic. And Kim, the reason your voice is so deep is because your balls just dropped - congratulations, this happens to men!

LuMAN has REALLY done it this time

MOVE OVER MARIAH CAREY! Luanimal, go on witchur bad self! The Countess' record career is really taking off. She jetted off to LA to perform live on KTLA, her hit single and a personal favorite of mine: Money Can't buy you Class. From the amazing step touch bobble head dancing, arm motions, the cascading high notes she has proved her real talent. I have to say that her stand out point for proving her talent is when she so boldy takes on the move of speaking the lyrics, ala "Oh Yeah", or "My Friends", obviously with the corresponding head nods. With the tone and shock value of her voice, it is clear that she could wake a bear out of hibernation, or cause for an avalanche in the rockies.

Another personal favorite part of the performance is the different camera angle of the girls dancing to the Countess' hit. They seem to be having a real blast, starstruck almost. This is a life changing event. Gaga or the Countess, choice is clear..Countess, der!

Truly, this AIN'T right on all levels. If someone gave me the chance to listen to this track on repeat for a solid 24-hours for a million dollars, I would say no. If someone said I either had to walk across fire with crabs pinching my fingertips while hot sauce was being poured in my eyes, or watch this performance, I would choose the first. Easy, simple, no brainer.

Snooki for Prez

My friend Krissy recently sent me a tweet from Senator John McCain to Snooki herself:

@Sn00ki u r right, I would never tax your tanning bed! Pres Obama's tax/spend policy is quite The Situation. but I do rec wearing sunscreen!

For those who haven't seen the severe anger from Snickers herself regarding the up in taxes for tanning, she has peeved herself to a tint of red. Which has resulted in self applied self tanner, and of course the ever popular Mystic Tanning. Mystic Tanning is a risky venture. I have tried Mystic Tanning, not even getting the darkest of the muddy shades, and started looking sun kissed to caramel to mocha to Oscar the Grouch green, and then a sludge mud color. I can't pull it off, but Snooks can.

The moral of this tweet is that from all walks of life: the Jersey girls, the 24-year old nannies, senators, tweens, gangsters, celebs - there is an underlying love and respect for Snooki.

The Bachlorette's Kasey, Preview of his Singing

I love your voice Kasey, truly I do.

The BacWHORElette

Alli is a promiscuous girl. I hope that Christina Aguilera doesn't send her the vag-dazzled undies, she will wear them - & a lot of the men in the house, i.e. The Weatherman, will probably steal them and try to wear them.

What has happened to ABC? What bridge were these trolls brought out from under to be the guys fighting and crying to win over Allie? Clearly they are still Bachelors for a reason. And, Barenaked Ladies? Really? And what a video...career suicide.

The whole house of men are on the same menstrual calendar, and a lot of them were on their periods' this week. The amount of emotion was over the top. The weatherman cried, then did a heel click on the way up to accept his rose - Rated R bawled like a baby when the boys were being mean to him. Frank is on the verge of tears at all times. He is constantly staring, looking, smiling, whimpering ...stalker status? YES.

The outfit choices on the show are in need of some rearranging and redoing. Jesse in a jean suit, Kasey in a mint green suit (going on three weeks solid in this uniform), Craig R looking like an over-sized midget with a red hanky in his pocket to match his red tie, Ty's over-sized choker...and how could I forget, Alli's Jessica McClintock Cinderella Gown.

NEXT WEEK IS ARMAGEDDON. Kasey with the constant foamy blockage in his windpipe goes bat shit crazy. Cutting. Crying. SINGING. The Weatherman has perma-boner at the thought of performing on Broadway, the question is, will he tuck his wiener for the event?

The Following should be BANNED from Dating Shows:

1. Guitars: first of all, how awkward must it be not only lugging in a rolling suitcase, but also a guitar case on your back. Leave your guitar, or any form of this string instrument (i.e: HUNTER and his ukulele) at home. Let's face it, you aren't good at playing it, and it makes the already awkward moment that much more painful.
2. Poems: on all levels wrong. You are either extremely cocky or confident in your writing skills, or are trying to be super cute and romantic. The whole, "I just met you - let's go outside and let me pull a piece of notebook paper from my pocket and read my love to you" is creepy. Are you that socially retarded that you can't carry on a conversation?
3. Singing: this can really go along with the guitars, and poems actually. If a male were to ever break out in to song with me, the variety of emotion and embarrassment I would feel for that person would be on a whole new level. It takes huge balls to go on national television and sing a poorly written song, probably while you were in your basement, in front of a mirror, web-camming your performance to practice for your big unveiling. It is rude to do to the person that your fighting for, because they have to sling off a fake compliment of how amazing and mesmerizing it was, when in all reality, they thought it blew.
4. Bad Jokes: huge pet peeve, when people try to put funny. So many of these singletons come on to the show with their persona of being the "funny girl" or "funny guy". It is always a bad joke, a bad line, an over animated face. IF the bachelor/bachelorette on the other end doesn't laugh, the joke/scenario typically gets repeated or my personal favorite, the stare/head nod/personal laughing that makes the person feel so uncomfortable that they have to courtesy laugh. My ears cringe, my eyes burn - please just refrain.
5. The Tattle Tale Role: there is always that ONE person that thinks by tattling on those around him/her they will be in like flint to the next round. You look crazy and insecure. When I see that people get their 15-minute alone time window and spend 99.9% of it being a little baby, crying about how mean people are, and how they aren't there for the right reasons - I go sour, real fast, real quick.

RHNYC Reunion Parody

Please watch this, it is absolutely hilarious. Zarin & Alex couldn't be more dead on.

Christina Aguilera was Vag-dazzled

It is very obvious that Christina Aguilera is having a bit of an identity crisis. After watching her free sex show performance on MTV Movie Awards last night, it is clear that she is really not just limiting herself to being a mom and a performer anymore, but also a whore. This may be a relatively strong adjective to describe the dirty girl, but the following eye widening, head exploding moments could project her in this category:

• "I know you wanna put your lips where my hips are", and then shoves one of the dancers head into her crotch. Can this be considered cheating, should her husband have an intervention?
• Full face licking from the dancers. My eyes were bleeding when I saw the full neck lick, Vampire style, slobber city.
• The light up LED heart flashing on her lady parts...and then the unnecessary zoom in from the camera. I could have seen her new Vagdazzaling from miles away, just because they got closer to show that it was crystals, does not make it any better
• The glowing crotches' weren't just solo owned by XTINA, but her dancers all had red glowing hearts on their groins. Kinda cool if there would have been a power outage in the theater, Aguilera and dancers could lead the crowds out with their blinking vajayjays!

Moral of the Story: too bad the Countess didn't see Christina's costume choices, she could have really bulked up Money Can't Buy you Class with some glowing nipple applications, or the ever popular crotch glow. If this look ever becomes popular, I am going amish.

Snooki is my Cookie

I am convinced that we are separated at birth. She is my sister from another mother. She had me at hello when she entered the doors of the Seaside Heights booze zone. Her first shot of vodka made my tummy tingle. From her love of pickles, her caramel complexion, Wet & Wild makeup collection, Rocketdog platform flip flops, trucker hats, and personality have made her a legend. The following are my favorite Snooki memories:

• Cartwheels, tumbling, and back flips while at the bar. With lace thong, and her crotch greeting all those who were present
• Being punched in the face, by a male, the outrageously swollen lip - causing for the baby bites in order to feed her need
• Night #1 pass out, hot tub orgy with the guidos. Don't tempt me with a good time
• The random hookups she had, my favorites include: the guy that threw up on the astro turfed rooftop, and the other male that accompanied her to the beach because she was too b.o'ed to remember her address
• Her pickle obsession, as she said “I have a specific way I eat it, I like to suck the juice out.” which then led to her deep throating the pickle in front of the Jersey Shore male crew, instant boners.
• The hookup with the Situation in the hot tub. THIS Situation included a red trucker hat, over sized hoops, and her bubbies coming out for some hot loving
• 4'9" tall, 5'3" in platform slip ons, 5'6" with her poof. I want to take her in my front pocket at all times
• Snickers issue with the duck phone
• Her personal boardwalk dance party. Full on jiration station, alone, 2pm'ish, in public. Takes the song "Dancing with Myself" to a literal translation.

Moral of the story: Everyone should want to get Snookerized at one time or another in their life, and I would like to join her for some hardcore fist pumping at Karma or Bamboo.

I think the Situation is HAWT

I admitted to my roommate Katie that I was jealous when Snooki got to make out with the Situation last year...in the hot tub. Everything from the red solo cups, the Ed Hardy swim trunks and trucker hats, astro-turf textured spiky hair, and abs you could bounce a quarter off of made my mouth water. LIFE AINT FAIR.

I can't wait for Jersey Shore Season 2. I'm having with drawl from my Snooks.

Uncomfortable Moments in RHNYC Season Finale

I tried to keep my eyes glued to the tv for the 60-minutes of waspy entertainment, but a couple times I had to close my eyes and think of a happy place after the following occurred:

1. "Reconciliation" Zarin VS. Frankel: this whole get together was a mess. Most uncomfortable moment, Jill's closing line and send off to Bethenny "I hope you enjoy the potato pancakes". A) what a SHITTY gift, B) after the draining sob fest, thats the BEST YOU CAN DO?
2. Luann's "live" performance of Money Can't Buy you Class: Luann brought out the big guns in some bell bottom snake skin pants and one shouldered top, trying to channel Pussycat Doll. She brought her new boy toy to the debut, which if he had any common sense, he would have hit it & quit it after watching LuMAN perform. The dancing from the 50+ crowd was classic - popular moves including, but not limited to: arm raises, snapping, swaying, and step touches. Note: Naughty by Nature should get a shout out, the "HEY-HO" move is big with Gen-X'ers!
3. Jill Zarin does NOT know how to pronounce Ramona: if I had a dime for each time Jill mispronounced Ramona's name, I'd be set. I was getting confused, I didn't know if Bravo threw a curve ball for the final episode and introduced a new character named RAMONE-r, ala JZ's pronunciation of RAMONA's name. Very Cyndy Lauper Jill!
4. Crazy Eye Ramona's Wedding, second times a charm: over the top, check. Jill being a wench and complaining, check. Kelly being bat shit crazy, check. Sonjya's bubbies popping out for all of Manhattan to see, check. Alex looking like Frankenstein, check.
5. LuMAN's Encore Performance at Ramone'rs wedding: who would have thought the Countess' song would touch people much like Jesus preaching did? Well, Jill Zarin, certainly agrees with the message. In her "AHA" moment, she says to Kelly: "this is true, you can be born with money, but no elegance".
6. Simon has a vagina: he was wearing a skirt. Vast improvement from his General Lee necktie from the previous week, but nonetheless, he was doning a SKIRT. Alex should maybe be concerned...?

Moral of the Season: these bitches be crazy!

Money Cant Buy you Class..or a good music video, apparently..

She has been compared to Madonna & Fergie by her music producer. Her music producer, as he so gracefully and modestly boasted, has worked with the likes of Eminem and Mariah Carey..dropping names like bombs in the first 30 seconds of his camera time. Of course, all of this being done while wearing sunglasses, inside, and looking alot like Kevin Bacon did in Hollow Man. Alarming.

So, LuAnimal, woo's and knocks socks off with her Ru-Paul'esque song, "Money Can't buy you Class". She has created a new genre of music, in my personal opinion. It is nouveau rap. There is alot of rap-type aspects to the song: a weird, strong pronunciation, speaking of the lyrics. Let's not forget, she is the Countess after all.

As the next step that all major recording artists do, Luann fast-tracked to a video shoot. To play the role perfectly, she had to wardrobe herself in some hair extensions, heavy airbrushing, and a slue of fierce young foxy males for her to choose from. As the 44 year old queen of the scene so eloquently put it to People Magazine: “There’s not really dancing,” she said. “I just have very good looking men standing around. And it’s about how money can’t buy you class, so I’m taking money out of their pockets and throwing it onto the floor.”

Naturally, I had to break down the video, scene by scene:

http://justjared.buzznet.com/2010/05/28/real-housewives-countess-luann-money-music-video/

• We are whisked away to some sort of underground bar scene where her young suiters stroll in to get looked up and down, and more or less eye-fucked by the Countess herself - who has displayed herself in a violet purple room in a bustier.
• Going to check out these hot pieces, she strolls in and brushes her hands against them - almost in an airport security manner. Male 3, he's done, she takes out his Gucci Wallet in absolute DISGUST and tosses it to the ground looking like she is going to vomit. When we pan to male 4, he is shaking in his boots, fear on his face and tears welding up in his eyes. Luann reaches into the breast pocket of his military jacket and pulls out a wad of money - GROSS!
• Clearly male #2 is chosen, he is the most modest of them all. He probably works at Best Buy and lives in the Bronx, right up her alley!
• Then we have the pleasure of watching the Countess get laced up in her corset..admire herself in the mirror..sway to the addicting beat of her song..wind blowing through her hair
• Blackberry boy gets put in a choke hold, almost to an alarming domestic violence level, because he was "texting on a date"
• Then at what appears to be the most boring party on the face of the earth, Luann is playing preacher - singing to her dominated crew of men, replacing beer (once again, GROSS!) with champagne
• Multi faceted Luann then gives an etiquette lesson (think Pretty Woman manners scene)
• Domestic violence situation #2: the intense tightening of the tie - the man's air pipe may or may not be bruised for a good 7-10 days post the shoot
• Best scene of the video, Luann has all of her men in bed with her, a VERY CLASSY move if I must say so myself. It looks like the start of a very weird orgy

Moral of the video: Elegance is learned, my friends! And what an elegant video: from the violence, the obsessive rubbing of Lu Lu's lady bits, to the preaching, the manners lessons, the 5-person orgy, the heavy glossing of the lips, and the throwing of the money - the countess has truly proved, that money cant buy you class.

...But, money will buy me the therapy that I will need after watching that creepy display of weirdness. And, I hate to crush Luann's dream - but the PCD is not a future venture for you babe. Amen to that.

TEAM MANZO

I don't think I have to say more than that. All I'm saying is that Danielle, please take your entourage of ex-con's, Hells Angels, and that TERRIBLE man Danny, you call your protector - that looks like a cross between John Basedow, Dudley Moore and a Rat - and GO AWAY!

Team Manzo

I'm getting shirts made.

This could be the worst show in history...

I am legitimately a little embarrassed to be living in New York City after watching this painful, 30-minute saga, of a group of girlfriends, trying to channel every character in Sex and the City. The group of girlfriends have made it apparent that they are all young and working (woo woo, something that is so out of the realm), love to go out and have cocktails and just plain old cock.

I don't understand why these groups of friends can never have normal names? When I look at my group of friends, we all have normal'esque names - nothing like Shallon (obv to good to rock ShaNNon), Klo (what happened to Klo-E?), and my all time favorite: GURJ. Aside from the normal names, they have clearly hit every type of socially different mark in careers and personality, to create the most solid group of friends East of the Mississippi. We have completed and casted the following:

1. Blond in the fashion world, a MAGAZINE none the less
2. Brunette wasp, owning her own clothing store
3. Rebellious jet-black haired girl, going through law school
4. Over-seas rocker friend, GURJ, with a short trendy bang
5. Conservative, laid back friend - getting married.

With all bases covered - we move on to the first episode, where the genius Shallon, has the idea to recycle their ex'es. That is without a doubt the DUMBEST idea I have ever heard. After some severe Facebook stalking of their Rolodex of previous flings, they narrowed it down to once again, a diverse group of men ranging from a 19-year old to a tattooed covered motorcycle riding male. After about 15 shots later, an embarrassing display of trying to be sexy and cute while bowling, some painful make outs - our girlfriends realized the next morning at brunch, that they should all stick with their own boo's and not cross path's again! OBV, ho's before bro's!

Moral of the episode: apparently downtown girls like to go to pole dancing classes during a dull moment in their day. AND, if you ever want a shot at getting your own show, you should change your name - so, from now on, apparently you can call me Elikazeth.

Weekly Spotlight: SPIKE

Who remember's when Ryan Cabrera, alias Spike/Sonic the Hedgehog/Massive Tool /Ry-Guy/Ryanasourus Rex was on the MTV reality show with Ashlee Simpson? ..Well I do, I watched, and even being like 13 years old, was still smart enough to realize that this clown was a massive douche.

Let's break down and look into the world of Mr. Cabrera

1. His hair and clothing style hasn't changed in at least a decade
2. He is not a celebrity, I don't even know if he could be on the D-list? His song, On the Way Down, was cool for like .5 seconds
3. This is his THIRD show on MTV, he goes from dating Ashlee Simpson, to being on Sweet 16, and now the Hills..I could see him next trying to be hillariously funny and outrageous on Disaster Date.
4. The "relationship" that he shares with Audrina is unique, to say the least. We all watched them DTR on tv, seen him rip hillariously UNFUNNY jokes, share her jean collection, give her a house tour of his new pad (which, by the way, love the "music room" AKA the entrance of your house) I don't know if it's just me, but every time I watch them, my innards kinda cringe in the sense that it looks like a bad blind date each time?
5. It is apparent that NO ONE in a 30 mile radius is interested in Mr. Cabrera
6. He is probably 5'6, but with hair, pushing 5'10
7. He loves bracelets, clearly, they start at the wrist and end at his elbow
8. His jeans always must be as tight as possible. He loves jeggings, and anything that appears that it has been spray painted on his body
9. He LOVES the deep-v..I am convinced one day it will be cut down to his pelvic bone showing his belly button, which I wouldn't be shocked if it were wearing a butterfly'esque belly button ring
10. He needs to settle down on the Jim Carrey type of over animated faces and gestures at all time. His facial muscles must be EXHAUSTED by a mid-morning snack, no doubt

Rynasourus Rex, I love to hate ya.

The Hills

Same week, same drama, same issues. I just find it so ironic that people just happen to "show up" coincidentally, or things fall perfectly into place for these former Laguna Beachers. It is like they have a constant genie in a bottle, or camera crew, around them to have all their ducks in line at all times. For instance, Brody's new girlfriend, goes to lunch with Lo - and magically, baby b has scored herself an internship at Smashbox Studios! Another prime example, when the three best friends (Audrina, Stephanie and Lo) head to the Viper Room to check out a shitty garage band, with bad haircuts (mullets are tres chic apparently) and probably smell like rotisserie chicken and body odor - JUSTIN BOBBY's band happens to follow! What are the odds?

This is particularly my favorite part of the episode for the following reasons:

1. The band name is "Ed Stanley" - I already hate the band.
2. JB looks good, he's a fox, no doubt.
3. JB proceeds to head band his brains out, followed by a full on strip show.
4. The awkward conversation with Audrina and her former b was of course weird, with Audrina giggling nonstop.
5. Justin Bobby gets into his car.....which is a Herst.

Moral of the Episode: the people on this show are the luckiest mother fuckers on the network.