June 14, 2010

Move over Justin Bieber..

All Aboard the KRAZY Train...It's about time that Kasey finally had a date on this show. I have been watching for four solid weeks for this moment in entertainment history.

Some have pawned him to be the psycho one. When he continues to state that all he wants to do is "guard and protect her heart" every 30-45 seconds, on average, some would say that that is a very valid pawn. As we all know by now, he in my opinion, has made the show. With his perma-bubble in his throat, love for sappy romantic metaphors (ala, "Allie has turned into a butterfly looking for love", or "I need someone to guard and protect my heart, just like I want to do for Allie"), and of course love for pastel button downs - the ever so popular mint green, and tonight a salmonly rose colored. Kasey truly has become the X-FACTOR.

The solo date begins with a helicopter ride. The helicopter ride leads to some champagne in a field. The champagne leads to song #1 of the night. It was an impromptu song, that Kasey knew was right just for that moment as the sun was setting, 'here it comes', he bubbly says, 'here's my moment'

When I was flying in the helicopter
over this amazing city..
I looked to my left and never saw something so pretty
At the end of tonight
I'm not just your average Joe
but I hope in my hindsight
I'll see and find a rose


Kasey, was that a haiku? He left Allie speechless...literally, she had no words. After an awkward laugh off, the two trotted over to the American Museum of Natural History for a continuation of the queerest date in show history.

The museum was dark, and all that they had were flashlights, and Kasey's awkward 'woo hoo''s echoing throughout the halls. Allie was sprinting, not in a 'oh this is so fun' sort of way, but probably more in a 'please get me away from this marionette with the Kermit the frog voice', sort of way. Kasey loved that. He ran, like a happy school boy, through the halls. My personal favorite, was when they were stopped in front of the Gorilla exhibit, and Kasey feels the need to embarrass himself past any level of normal comprehension, and bang on his chest like King Kong. At that point, I would have cut the cameras, and walked out. Leaving him, his bubble voice, his tight pants, and lyrical mastery alone.

Just when I didn't think it could get any better, it did. After his first attempt at Backstreet Boys romantic douchery, he decided at their romantic picnic in the museum to knock her socks off with another impromptu song. Again, this song sounded like his voicebox was covered in a thick and permanent layer of cheesecake.

On the night I first saw you, I was staring through that glass
And I knew at that first moment, that you and I would last
On the beach in California, you made me start to believe
And now we're in New York city, and it's just you and me
And tonight you got a rose, and I don't want to feel it's thorns
And if you choose me Ali, I'll forever be yours.


Ali doesn't give Kasey a rose. At that point, I thought the frog was going to come dancing out of his voice box and flick Kasey's head into an explosion. Fortunately, we had the passion of seeing him talk about "guarding and protecting her / his hearts" for the rest of the 45-minute troll show. It started to become a lot like REDRUM. I was picturing seeing Kasey in the corner of the show, talking to his pinky, mumbling "guard and protect" over and over.

Why did Allie not give Kasey a rose and send froggy home? She was probably afraid of a double murder / suicide. Doing it in front of more people, the elimination aspect, there are more witnesses and less chances of crazy Kasey going crazy on all.


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