The only time I spoke of this bachelor was last week. The only reason I did is because when Allie called him to receive a rose, I stopped dead in my tracks, and wondered who this person was that was on the show.
Five weeks and Chris N went under the radar..without a word. He is the awkward, Amish looking, 29-year old Orlando native that came on the show to try and win Allie, all while being mute. He should have tried out for the mime version of the Bachelorette, his chances of winning would have been much stronger. In his free-time this uncomfortably quiet robot enjoys: soccer, surfing, wake boarding, golf, fishing and video games. All perfect hobbies because they require no talking. When asked what he would bring to a deserted island, this introverted silent type replied with: mixed bag of veggie fruit seeds, water purifier and his wife. WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THIS - this would be acceptable if you were a BIRD, and even at that, a bird would probably bring a radio or something a little less scratch your eyes out boring, dull and wrong.
For those of you that never noticed Chris N., no need to worry, because I also didn't. I paid pretty close attention to Mr. Observant in last nights' episode, and his final moments in the house. Stand out moments include: the awkward lochness monster creeping in the spring in Iceland..pretty much just keeping his nose above water to breathe. The uncomfortable head bobbing that went on when they zoomed on him during the group date - his battery life must have been running low, time to charge him up!
My all time favorite however was the final minutes of the episode, when Chris, after 6 weeks, had his first conversation with Allie....ever. He wowed her with his ability to think on his feet and make her feel comfortable. "I'm really funny" he said, as they sat a good 15 feet apart. When Allie asked his guilty pleasure, "Mexican Food"-Chris said looking petrified that he spoke more than 10 words. Creepy Frank who didn't blink once during the time that Allie was out of the room from him, noted that their body language couldn't be any more awkward. Thank you Frank, Helen Keller could have pointed that out. I then proceeded to vomit and have body shakes after witnessing the most awkward, unbearable hug in the history of mankind - either Allie smells like shit or Chris N. has really bad arthritis that prevents him from stretching his arms out; it was a 5 second messy disaster.
We unfortunately had to wave goodbye to everyones favorite silent man. When he didn't recieve a rose he so deeply stated, 'im at a loss for words right now'. Ironic, I think so...
I'll miss you Chris, and im just happy that you realized that stand up comedy, or being a radio/television personality isn't really your gig. Go enjoy your Mexican Food while wearing your favorite polyester suit with a black shirt and icy blue tie. And, thank you for making me realize who to NEVER call if I need advice of things to bring to a deserted island...EVER.
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