She has been compared to Madonna & Fergie by her music producer. Her music producer, as he so gracefully and modestly boasted, has worked with the likes of Eminem and Mariah Carey..dropping names like bombs in the first 30 seconds of his camera time. Of course, all of this being done while wearing sunglasses, inside, and looking alot like Kevin Bacon did in Hollow Man. Alarming.
So, LuAnimal, woo's and knocks socks off with her Ru-Paul'esque song, "Money Can't buy you Class". She has created a new genre of music, in my personal opinion. It is nouveau rap. There is alot of rap-type aspects to the song: a weird, strong pronunciation, speaking of the lyrics. Let's not forget, she is the Countess after all.
As the next step that all major recording artists do, Luann fast-tracked to a video shoot. To play the role perfectly, she had to wardrobe herself in some hair extensions, heavy airbrushing, and a slue of fierce young foxy males for her to choose from. As the 44 year old queen of the scene so eloquently put it to People Magazine: “There’s not really dancing,” she said. “I just have very good looking men standing around. And it’s about how money can’t buy you class, so I’m taking money out of their pockets and throwing it onto the floor.”
Naturally, I had to break down the video, scene by scene:
- We are whisked away to some sort of underground bar scene where her young suiters stroll in to get looked up and down, and more or less eye-fucked by the Countess herself - who has displayed herself in a violet purple room in a bustier.
- Going to check out these hot pieces, she strolls in and brushes her hands against them - almost in an airport security manner. Male 3, he's done, she takes out his Gucci Wallet in absolute DISGUST and tosses it to the ground looking like she is going to vomit. When we pan to male 4, he is shaking in his boots, fear on his face and tears welding up in his eyes. Luann reaches into the breast pocket of his military jacket and pulls out a wad of money - GROSS!
- Clearly male #2 is chosen, he is the most modest of them all. He probably works at Best Buy and lives in the Bronx, right up her alley!
- Then we have the pleasure of watching the Countess get laced up in her corset..admire herself in the mirror..sway to the addicting beat of her song..wind blowing through her hair
- Blackberry boy gets put in a choke hold, almost to an alarming domestic violence level, because he was "texting on a date"
- Then at what appears to be the most boring party on the face of the earth, Luann is playing preacher - singing to her dominated crew of men, replacing beer (once again, GROSS!) with champagne
- Multi faceted Luann then gives an etiquette lesson (think Pretty Woman manners scene)
- Domestic violence situation #2: the intense tightening of the tie - the man's air pipe may or may not be bruised for a good 7-10 days post the shoot
- Best scene of the video, Luann has all of her men in bed with her, a VERY CLASSY move if I must say so myself. It looks like the start of a very weird orgy
Moral of the video: Elegance is learned, my friends! And what an elegant video: from the violence, the obsessive rubbing of Lu Lu's lady bits, to the preaching, the manners lessons, the 5-person orgy, the heavy glossing of the lips, and the throwing of the money - the countess has truly proved, that money cant buy you class.
...But, money will buy me the therapy that I will need after watching that creepy display of weirdness. And, I hate to crush Luann's dream - but the PCD is not a future venture for you babe. Amen to that.
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